and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
