Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
