But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
