I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
