We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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