I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
there is puke in my bra ... again
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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