I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
