3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
