Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
These tits shall not be calmed
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
