I intend to get homeless drunk
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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