My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
