Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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