I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
