Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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