She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
