moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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