Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
