I got chris browned last night
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
