This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
