Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
