It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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