so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
