I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
