Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
