you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
