How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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