So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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