Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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