things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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