She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
