would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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