Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
