Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
