The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
