i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
