And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
