she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
