I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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