from now on my penis is your penis
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
