my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
