Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
