Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
