If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
