yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
