Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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