Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
