It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
