he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
this is an emotional support booty call
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
