I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
