Porn is love you can see.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
